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关于工程师59条搞笑但却真实无比的语录


2020-06-18

关于工程师59条搞笑但却真实无比的语录

一名叫做 Naresh Kumar 的工程师在部落格 1 里整理了 59 则关于程式的语录,包括软体开发、程式维护、评测除错、软体 bug、系统设计、文件、软体品质等等,以搞笑的方式真实描写工程师的斑斑血泪。以下我们精选出 10 则最有趣的语录,后面也附上 59 则完整版与原文。

  1. 程式有问题时不要担心。如果所有东西都没问题,你就失业

    了。
  2. 写程式时要保持这种心态:就好像将来要维护你这些程式的人是一位残暴的精神病患者,而且他知道你住在哪。
  3. 一个人写的烂软体将会给另一个人带来一份全职工作。
  4. 当有这样的一种程式语言出现:它能让工程师用简单的英语写程式,你将会发现,工程师都开始不会说英语。
  5. 傻瓜都能写出电脑能理解的程式,优秀的工程师写出的是人类能读懂的程式。
  6. 任何你写的程式,超过 6 个月不去看它,当你再度开啓时,看起来都像是别人写的。
  7. 世上只有两类程式语言:那些被人骂翻的,以及那些没人使用的。
  8. Java 之于 JavaScript 的关係,就如同狗和热狗。
  9. 如果除错是消除软体 bug 的过程,那写程式一定是把它们放进去的过程。
  10. 开发软体和建造教堂非常相似——完工之后我们就开始祈祷。
59 则完整版工程师程式语录

1. 一个好的工程师是那种过单行道马路都要左顾右盼的人。
A good programmer is someone who always looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.

2. 程式有问题时不要担心。如果所有东西都没问题,你就失业

了。
Don’t worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you’d be out of a job.

3. 工程师的麻烦在于,你无法弄清他在折腾什幺,当你最终弄明白时,也许已经太迟了。
The trouble with programmers is that you can never tell what a programmer is doing until it’s too late.

4. 我想大部分人都知道通常一名工程师会具有的美德。当然了,有三种:懒惰、暴躁、傲慢。
Most of you are familiar with the virtues of a programmer. There are three, of course: laziness, impatience, and hubris.

5. 写程式时要保持这种心态:就好像将来要维护你这些程式的人是一位残暴的精神病患者,而且他知道你住在哪。
Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live.

6. 一个人写的烂软体将会给另一个人带来一份全职工作。
One man’s crappy software is another man’s full time job.

7. 如果建筑工人像工程师写软体那样盖房子,那第一只飞来的啄木鸟就能毁掉人类文明。
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along wound destroy civilization.

8. 这世界最有可能毁灭的方式——大多数专家都同意——是由意外造成。这就是为什幺会有我们,我们是电脑专家,我们创造意外。
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That’s where we come in; we’re computer professionals. We cause accidents.

9. 我们这个产业有个特别奇怪的现象:我们不但不会从失败里吸取教训,同时也不从成功中学习经验。
It’s a curious thing about our industry: not only do we not learn from our mistakes, we also don’t learn from our successes.

10. 一种新技术一旦开始流行,你要嘛坐上压路机,要嘛成为铺路石。
Once a new technology starts rolling, if you’re not part of the steamroller, you’re part of the road.

11. 如果

没能一次成功,那就叫它 1.0 版吧。
If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0

12. 所有的工程师都是编剧,所有的电脑都是烂演员。
All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.

13. 工作进度上越快落后,你就会有越充足的时间赶上。
The sooner you get behind in your work, the more time you have to catch up.

14. 当有这样的一种程式语言出现:它能让工程师用简单的英语写程式,你将会发现,工程师都开始不会说英语。
When a programming language is created that allows programmers to program in simple English, it will be discovered that programmers cannot speak English.

15. 为什幺我们没有时间把事情做对,却总有时间把事情砍掉重练?
Why do we never have time to do it right, but always have time to do it over?

16. 傻瓜都能写出电脑能理解的程式。优秀的工程师写出的是人类能读懂的程式。
Any fool can write code that a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that humans can understand.

17. 任何你写的程式,超过 6 个月不去看它,当你再度开啓时,看起来都像是别人写的。
Any code of your own that you haven't looked at for six or more months might as well have been written by someone else.

程式/软体开发语录

18. 按程式行数来评估软体开发的进度,就如同按重量来评估飞机建造的进度。
Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight.

19. 软体就像做爱。一次犯错,你需要用剩下的一生来弥补。
Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

20. 在水上行走和按照特定需求开发开发软体都很容易——前提是它们都是冻结状态。
Walking on water and developing software from a specification are easy if both are frozen.

21. 最初 90% 的程式消耗了最初 90% 的开发时间…最后 10% 的程式用去了另外 90% 的开发时间。
The first 90 percent of the code accounts for the first 90 percent of the development time…The remaining 10 percent of the code accounts for the other 90 percent of the development time.

22. 注释程式很像清扫厕所——你不想干,但如果你做了,这绝对会给你和你的客人带来更愉悦的体验。
Commenting your code is like cleaning your bathroom — you never want to do it, but it really does create a more pleasant experience for you and your guests.

23. 如今的程式是一场工程师和上帝的竞赛,工程师要开发出更大更好、傻瓜都会用到软体。而上帝在努力创造出更大更傻的傻瓜。目前为止,上帝是赢的。
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning.

24. 软体设计最困难的部分⋯⋯是阻挡新功能的引入。
The hardest part of design … is keeping features out.

25. 为了理解递迴,我们首先要理解的是递迴。
In order to understand recursion, one must first understand recursion.

26. 世上只有两类程式语言:那些被人批得一无是处的,以及那些没人使用的。
There are only two kinds of programming languages: those people always bitch about and those nobody uses.

27. 关于布林值最棒的一点是,即使你搞错了,也只差一个位元。
The best thing about a boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.

28. 如果

Java 真的能够垃圾回收,那大部分的程式都会在执行时自己删除自己。
If Java had true garbage collection, most programs would delete themselves upon execution.

29. 理论上,理论和实践是没有差异的。但实践中,是有的。
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

30. 预备,开火,瞄準:这是最快的软体开发方法。预备,瞄準,瞄準,瞄準,瞄準:这是最慢的软体开发方法。
Ready, fire, aim: the fast approach to software development. Ready, aim, aim, aim, aim: the slow approach to software development.

31. 写程式是 10% 的科学、20% 天份,加上 70% 的让天份符合科学。
Programming is 10% science, 20% ingenuity, and 70% getting the ingenuity to work with the science.

32. 评估一件事情要比去理解你评估了什幺容易。
It is easier to measure something than to understand what you have measured.

33. 标準检查程式不会撒谎,但制定标準检查程式的人会。
Benchmarks don’t lie, but liars do benchmarks.

34. 培养员工,即使他们有跳槽的风险。什幺都不做而留他们在公司,这样风险更大。
Better train people and risk they leave – than do nothing and risk they stay.

35. 电脑科学的目标是做出一个东西,并且保证它至少能坚持到我们将它开发完成。
The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we've finished building it.

36. Java 之于 JavaScript 的关係就如同狗和热狗。。
Java is to JavaScript what Car is to Carpet.

37. 起初就把事情做对是完全没必要的。但最后要把事情做对是绝对必要的。
It's not at all important to get it right the first time. It's vitally important to get it right the last time.

38. 阵列的起始索引应该从 0 开始还是从 1 开始?我的 0.5 的折中提议被他们拒绝了,而我认为,他们没有考虑周详。
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

39. 程式必须是为了给人看而写,命令机器执行只是附带任务。
Programs must be written for people to read, and only incidentally for machines to execute.

40. 写程式可以很有趣,密码学也是,但两者绝对不能合而为一。
Programming can be fun, so can cryptography; however they should not be combined.

41. 複製 -- 贴上是一种设计错误。
Copy and paste is a design error.

42. 电脑善于遵循指令,但不善于理解你的思维。
Computers are good at following instructions, but not at reading your mind.

软体除错语录

43. 被删除的程式就是被除错的程式。
Deleted code is debugged code.

44. 如果除错是消除软体 bug 的过程,那写程式一定是把它们放进去的过程。
If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.

45. 程式除错要比新编写程式困难一倍。因此,如果你写出了最聪明的程式,按此推算,你就缺乏更深远的智慧来替它除错。
Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are–by definition–not smart enough to debug it.

46. 想在自己的程式里找出一个错误是十分困难的。而当你认为你的程式没有错误时,那就更难了。
It's hard enough to find an error in your code when you're looking for it; it's even harder when you've assumed your code is error-free.

软体 bug 语录

47. 这不是个 bug——这一个未注明的功能特徵。
It’s not a bug – it’s an undocumented feature.

48. 没有需求或设计,写程式就是一种将 bug 添加到一个空白文件里的艺术。
Without requirements or design, programming is the art of adding bugs to an empty text file.

49. 烂程式并不烂,只是被误解了。
Bad code isn’t bad, its just misunderstood.

50. 有两种方法能写出没有错误的程式;但只有第三种好用。
There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.

51. 小心上面程式中的 bug;我只知道这些程式是正确的,但没有试过。
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it.

软体产品/成品语录

52. 软体能够反覆使用之前,它必须要先可以用。
Before software can be reusable it first has to be usable.

53. 软体通常在 beta 测试完成不久后发表。Beta 在拉丁语中是「还不能用」的意思。
Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it’s released. Beta is Latin for “still doesn't work".

54. 最好的性能改进是将软体从不能用的状态变成可用。
The best performance improvement is the transition from the nonworking state to the working state.

55. 最便宜、最快速、最值得信赖的组件是那些还未出现的组件。
The cheapest, fastest, and most reliable components are those that aren't there.

56. 我认为微软之所以把「.Net」命名为「.Net」,是因为如此一来,它就不会出现在 Unix 的目录里。
I think Microsoft named .Net so it wouldn’t show up in a Unix directory listing.

57. 软体和教堂非常相似——建成之后我们就开始祈祷。
Software and cathedrals are much the same – first we build them, then we pray.

58. 除非最后一个使用者死掉,软体是不会有完工的时候的。
The software isn’t finished until the last user is dead.

59. 如今的大部分软体都非常像埃及金字塔,由成千上万的石块一块一块构成,没有结构上的整合,而是由暴力强制和成千上万的奴隶完成。
Most software today is very much like an Egyptian pyramid with millions of bricks piled on top of each other, with no structural integrity, but just done by brute force and thousands of slaves.

  1. 59 Hilarious but True Programming Quotes for Software Developers↩


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